The ship, the crew and the creeps.

Finally, after a whole month of my trip to the andamans, i managed to start writing about the experience there. I felt it was worth the mention, and could probably even modify it such to make it maybe a fun novel to read. There are lots of happening, experiences, sights and all that that need to be written down about somewhere.. .this i thought were it can begin.
so here it is, lets say the first chapter of my unnamed novel..
its open to critique.. serious mean criticism is welcome as well....

The ship, the crew, and the creeps.

My first time onboard! My first time onboard. It was exhilarating to stand there on the deck of the ship, holding onto the railing before the wind could blow me off my feet.

The salt water sprayed across my face, the wind blew my hair helter-skelter. All about me, were waves as high as a double storey building, lashing about angrily, and off in the horizon, where the skies met the sea, one could see a war raging on between the water and the clouds. I had been introduced to a whole new perspective of nature, a completely different personality, one that was powerful and intimidating. We all stood onboard at her mercy, but it really never occurred to us as this, since we were all far too much in awe of her beauty. The sea…. Never ending, never stopping, never sleeping. I breathed in the salt vapour that filled the air, the ship tumbled and crashed against the mighty waves, and rain lashed down from thick clouds in the skies above. The sun set, drowning itself into the gigantic ocean. Night fell, and we retired to our bunks, filled with anticipation about where our journey would lead us. The whole night through I slept very little, as the ship rolled and creaked in the rough sea, yet with the yearning of reaching our destination, the Andaman Islands, we remained surprisingly patient.

For this moment, of reaching a place closest the heavens, a journey as long as three days, and the company of cranky crew and creepy passengers was maybe worth it all.

The next day I awoke to foul smells, noise from other bunks, as well as mine; children screaming, people puking, doors slamming, shouts, thuds and what nots. The rolling of the vessel had really got me dizzy and disoriented, and the lack of proper sleep got to me. I got off my bunk to stand up and nearly fell down. I felt nauseous all of a sudden. Ignoring that feeling, I took out my toiletries and headed off to the women’s loo. There on began my dismal experience, an experience I had imagined to be a lot different. The women’s loo was far too disgusting to describe, and the women’s shower room was used as a make shift loo. I was appalled to see men, crew men as well, make use of the WOMEN’S toilets and shower rooms to answer natures call.

All the sights and the smells added to my sick feeling, and the whole day was spent me clambering decks and popping onto the floor. By the end of the day, I had eaten nothing, my stomach churned with hunger and sick as well; it contracted every sudden, trying to belch out what ever remained in my stomach. Not even a drop of water remained in my stomach. Sea sickness it was for sure, but the condition of the bunk class cabins and loos and the smells really added to the effect. I clambered all the way back to my bunk and slept like the dead, zipping myself inside my sleeping bag. I slept on right through till night came and when the sun arose.

I awoke to a hushed discussion my school mates were happening. Last night, one of the passengers, a man of maybe about 20 30 years, had walked into the cabin and felt up a girl from my bunch. So much to add up to my fabulous ship journey, the one I had always so romanticized about. It was appalling to think how safe we were here in the bunks. There was a stark prioritization between the bunk class and the upper class. I could see a whole new titanic situation appear before me. All about me I could see how the bunk class were restricted from accessing the upper decks and the facilities as well. So much for an imagined fantastical romantic sort of a ship journey. Maybe it was just this ship, this passenger ship that created a bad impression about ships, sailors and crew. All I looked forward to was the time we docked and got off onto land. One more day ahead, and we’d be away from this ship, the crew and the creeps as well.

You’re awaited

A gentle slap

A ringing laugh

On and on, they play their little game

 

Trace the lines

On his face

He kissed her lips then, no shame

 

A deep love

Unbreakable bonds

Holds them together it seems

 

Neither chain

Nor locks nor bolts

An indiscernible bond, there it gleams

 

They sit they talk

They stand and walk

Two restive souls can’t break apart

 

They sleep they wake

Arms n arms, dream

Enveloped, their bodies live to one heart

 

The dream breaks

Its early morn

It’s her alone right now in her room

 

Twas a dream

Nothingness

A far fetched want, an incomplete loom

 

Unwoven stitch

A warped frame

That love was never there, she tells herself

 

A wait a want

A dream a haunt

A hopeful return, to repair a heart with a gaping cleft.

untitled.... a probable beginning of a novel

Three hundred kilometers up in the sky, Xan looked down from the building, turbulent winds throwing her hair helter skelter upon her face. She breathed heavily into her oxygen mask, feeling far more tense than ever. They were late yet again, and the deal had to be done. The previous visit nearly cost her her right to live on this planet. Had her deed ever been found out about she would have been exiled to another planet prison.
She pulled out her time piece and looked at it. Nearly five clocks past, these people hadn’t yet arrived. Biting cold pierced her gentle pale skin; her lips turned blue with cold.
She pulled her cape tighter around herself and paced the landing. In the roaring winds she heard the displaced sounds of a rotor engine sounding off in a distance. They arrived, fast and quick, leapt off from the vehicle and walked towards her. No words were exchanged, no second glances. The leader amongst them, the tallest and the biggest of their kind, stood nearly five feet above her. She handed him the brief case. She craned her neck and looked up all the way. Two large black beady eyes looked down upon her, expressionless, blank. A bald head, which tapered to the top in a point, shone even in the blizzard. The eyes were large, and his protruding forehead lacked even the smallest strand of hair. Every inch of his skin was dark, shiny and hairless.
“The beauty In the beast” She snuffed out a snigger that was just winding its way out through her mouth. He was attractive, in a way. But yet he was a monstrosity.
The burly large men, although they were far too unnatural and unlike men at all, turned on their heel and walked back without an exchange of even a sound. Before they boarded their vehicle, one of the agents left behind a small package on the ground, looked up at her and nodded. She nodded back in response and they left. She breathed easier here on. She walked to the package and picked it up. It was more than precious this substance, dearer to her than her own life. The risk was worth it all. She waited till the buzz of the vehicle diminished in the raging blizzard, then turned around and headed inside. She entered through glass doors into a lobby, then walked out into a long brightly lit corridor. The lights here were a little blinding, she had to strain her eyes to see past to the other end of the corridor, the exit to this foul place. Her vehicle was parked outside the window at the end of this corridor. She hastened her pace, and grabbed at the window, throwing it open, fast, and jumped out. Instead of her feet landing on the floor of her aero car, they met nothingness. She fell fast, gaining speed, the lights from all around a dizzying blur. The cold wind caught her and the direction of her fall went askew. She thumped hard against the wall and bounced off, still falling. Somehow something suddenly broke her fall; she fall hard onto a soft surface, and bounced off a little, then fell back onto it again. The dizzying fall had blinded her momentarily; hence it took a while for her to focus what she fell upon. She sat up very slowly, still disoriented. She craned up her neck to see the number of floors she’d fallen, and merely gasped. 180 floors! It did seem like a lot more. It was a wonder she didn’t simply vaporize falling through the atmosphere. Her bones ached from the crash against the surface she fell on. She blinked to get her eyes to focus on the ground that she now stood upon. Ugh! A garbage carrier. No wonder there was that distinct smell pervading the air all this while, only that she suddenly noted it and realized where it emanated from. She dusted herself, and massaged her aching muscles, walking towards a window. She had to climb up a parapet to get to it, and right now her pains from the fall restricted any large movements. Yet, ignoring her pain, she put her hands on the parapet and pulled herself up. Thanking her religious habit of work out that lasted three hours every day, her muscles were stronger than ever. She yanked the glass of the window open, and clambered into darkness. Great! All she needed was some unknown character raising an alarm of a thief breaking in. She let out an exasperated breath and tried to calm her self down a little. Yes, I can handle it, she repeatedly whispered to herself. Today was far too much of an eventful day, and she needed but more trouble. A woman walked in, far too composed to believe, after an alarm of a break in. She smiled at Xan, and then spoke with a soft comforting tone” The door to the exit is out through the hallway from here. I know now you’re life’s in jeopardy. People are after you. You should get out of here fast.” Xan was far too nonplussed at the moment and nothing of what the woman said to her clearly registered in her head. All she heard was a bleak sound of danger calling from out somewhere. She nodded and sprinted, still confused and trying to connect the disconnected threads. What went wrong? The mission went smooth, and she made sure all this happen in utter secrecy. She’d temporarily disabled the surveillance of the building too. Every step was carried out in extreme precaution, then what happened? What triggered off the alarm. She knew her plan had foiled and her deeds were out in the clear. Now the agency would hunt her down like hounds after a game. She had to scram, and fast. She made her way quickly out of the apartment, down the stairs and the highly polished lobby of the building. Some elite place this.
She burst through the door to find herself face to face with the most notorious squad in the country. She held her breath, and froze on the spot. There was no escape. She had no other option. She took out the package she had obtained from her deal earlier that evening, and before the squad could reach her, she tore it open, punched into it a code and teleported herself away.

Child hood and Innocence: still existent?

Barbie dolls, frilly dresses, a dumb eyed look, pigtails and funny hairdos, the gender biased stereotypes, the “that’s too boyish for me” or “that’s too boyish for YOU”, were all attributes of my childhood, either my own opinion( that is if I had any of my own) or things that my mum forced into my head. I was constantly dressed in pink, whether I really liked it or not, only because it made me look “oh so cute”. I resented every bit of it (or mostly, I admit I actually liked barbies once, loved them really), I felt my years of childhood went totally according to the way my parents decided. Barely anytime for tantrums, I ate what was forced down my throat. Yes often I did fight it off, but I didn’t have an option later, that stuff ended going down my throat. We would be told that a bogie man would come eat us up if we refused to swallow that last morsel of whatever. We believed that lie. No questions asked, no answers replied. Yes, kids around my time were pretty dumb.
And NOW, I stand before my seven year old niece, dumbfounded, staring at her unblinkingly, after she made a comment on marriage and told my aunt to shut up, something I only became accustomed to doing about, maybe lets say, three years back? “Marriages today are more chilled out, so don’t you force me to do anything, and please don’t talk about it, I have YEARS to go for that issue.” She said to my aunt, rolling her eyes, head cocked at an angle. My jaw fell open. My aunt laughed and simply hugged that girl.
I’m talking about a SEVEN year old girl. This set me wondering, did I even think like that, or even DARE to think that way, let alone blurt it out. I remember vaguely, while watching a T.V. program, I asked my mother whether the woman was fat because she was pregnant. For an answer I got a slap across my face, and a warning to behave my age. Then on, I never questioned, even when I got my first sex education lesson in school in the fifth. I feared that slap till my mother to felt I was grown up enough. And Kids today, know exactly what sex is, they do know that when somebody has sex, they’re prone to get pregnant. At my age I didn’t even dare to think and relate those things. Or was too busy playing with my kitchen things, dolls and friends. If such thought or word ever issued from my lips, I would be issued a tight slap across my face. And today, the parents simply hug their children and say “ awww isn’t my child so brilliant! “ Right!
Darn! Still I do wish I was born into this generation!
Well, yes im talking about how much children’s thought’s have “evolved” according to the passing time if I can out it that way.
We were innocent or rather dumb, and we were children. Can you really define these beings as children anymore? Where an average child today knows the basics of sex, at least what are the results etc, know to some extent about the “bases” of a pre-marital relationship,
Today, I see my youngest cousins, nieces and nephews, all of around the ages of 4- 10 years talking BIG. I mean big. BIG overgrown thoughts, PHILISOPHY for god’s sake, opinions of subjects we barely even set our own thoughts on, everything. They even rebel at that age, refuse to wear those frilly dresses, because it makes them look far to girly, play football with boys, since they find that cool, and sift through pages of Harry potter. I used to struggle to read even Red Riding hood without my mum’s help, (but yes I was only 4 then, so don’t look at me like that). Children’s tastes, thoughts have evolved so much its hard to really call them children or innocent at all. These words suit those pink crawling babies, toothless, unaware and mumbling. Once that kid learns to speak, I know, they’ve jumped the whole growth process, and the innocence from them is slowing fading. It’s a warning, next time you face a seven year old, be armed with a shield, the kid will verbally blow your mind and make you appear dumb.
Just the way I stand before this kid, speechless, fumbling for the right words, and actually taking care that I wont say something stupid. Innocent? Hah, she thinks I’m far too innocent to understand what she says.

Ghost

Wandering about the empty house,

at the mid hour of the night,

Pinpricks within my skin arouse,

sensation of hands around my neck feel tight.

Nobody but me is here in this house,

do I tell myself over and over again,

Yet there's that someone who's always around,

Is its really in this room, or just within my brain?

I sit down on the cold floor, shivering,

its not the floor that makes me do,

a cold draught escapes my lips,

my shawl feels damp, cold sinking in through.

Its the hour past midnight,

and my head lolls while I sit on the floor,

and falls upon an unseen shoulder,

who caresses my face as I snore?

arms cradle me, raise me from the ground,

swiftly I feel myself rise above then glide slowly,

my eyelids far too heavy to ope,

to see who carries me so gently.

I forget in my deep slumber,

That I was the only one at home,

All alone; yet this someone caring and knowing carries me,

Then “good night” whispers a voice, I’ve heard that tone.

The whole night through I sense this stranger by my side,

I thought I embraced it while I slept,

I felt my hands against a chest I swear,

I felt the heart beat; a rise and fall of the chest.

I dreamt a dream and saw the face,

The ghost it was, who lay near me,

That face I felt I knew somewhere,

Where had I seen him, I couldn’t heed whether it was reality.

But I knew that embrace, so familiar,

this was a dream I told myself, or was it real,

Dream it was my soul told me,

find yourself asleep on the floor, doubts shall clear.

Dawn crept in chasing shadows away,

My ghost kissed me goodbye in my dream,

I smiled and bid goodbye too,

And ope my eyes, to break away from my dream.

The cold floor I did not find beneath me,

As my soul had promised me while I slept,

My bed I sat on, the comforter covering me,

Unnerved at this happening, chills up my spine had crept.

I closed my eyes, to summon that ghost,

From my dreams; that embrace, that kiss

Upon my forehead had he given me,

Felt so real, yet everything was amiss.

I wanted my ghost to come back,

And confide with me, That moment was lost,

I could not commute with him then

in my sleep; love this I felt, within me a lot.

ill wait one more night for my ghost to come by,

dream of reality, talk to him through,

ask him about his story, who, what and why,

ask him where do I know him from, why the things he did do?

Sleepless do my nights go by now,

I await for my head to loll and sleep,

The floor feels cold no more,

No misty breath yet, my heart foolishly skips.

The demon inside of me

“Eyes, blank, lost, and empty, stare on, fixedly at the woman at the other end of the room. Within the mind, there’s havoc, a turbulent storm that’s building up fast, rage against a woman who so frivolously dismissed her to be the most hopeless student she’d ever come across, saying she had no hope in the future with anything, and might as well try correspondence or salesman ship for her career. “ Malevolence was the word.

Anger welled within her, blanketing her mind with deep dark thoughts. Her mind, that would never be capable to ever come up with even the nastiest word to insult anyone or ever think of hurting anyone, was thinking of so many morbid thoughts. Filled with sheer contempt, was her mind. That mind was mine. That girl was me.

I sat there just looking on, my face so blank, anger so heated within my head, it would’ve exploded. I felt a vein throb fast in my temple. I was surely losing it. And surely the only way to prevent me from losing all control was a distraction. The distraction was her torture, my imagination at its peak.

There as that filth of a woman rambled on with her lessons, I got lost in the most sadistic ventures even id never thought I would imagine. Oh well, now that I was, be on with it. And tell you what it felt good. Before I tell you what I thought I would tell you it felt Oh so good, to just imagine that woman shrieking her head off in my sadistic fantasy. My imagination was so vivid at the point of time, it felt as though it was all really happening, I could actually hear her shrill shrieks and screams in my ear.

Unfortunately, to actually carry out such atrocious actions, would obviously lead to my doom as well, so i'd might as well imagine it. I could get back at her either wise.

So here’s what went on in my mind. I felt so thrilled, at the thought of her being hung upside down, with hooks through her toenails, droplets of blood slowing trickling down her ugly mane. It was a train of processes, she went through. Imagining such things is so good, you keep the person alive, yet you torture them in a way that would kill them in reality. I saw her, her arm, very slowly, millimeter by millimeter, ripping off, her skin stretching and snapping, like cloth being ripped ever so slowly. I saw her face, pulled in the most grotesque expression, her face purple and screaming in pain. She was strapped onto a ply board, her arms and legs stretched apart, tied to pulleys in all four corners. The rope slowly pulled at her, ripping her limbs from her body.

All this form of torture may rather seem ever so exaggerated, but really, as I read it out, don’t you think it’ll make you feel content, after you imagine your most hated person going through the same?

So hence I carry on, this is what went on in my blackened devilish mind.

In my mind I saw myself closely observing her skin stretch further on, till it lost its elasticity and snapped. I saw the skin snap, then the veins, blue and red, beneath, then the flesh, curl and turn as her limbs stretched on. Blood fell upon the floor, one enormous red puddle, filling the floor. Her screams of pain echoed in the dungeons inside my head. Needles stabbed her eyes over and over; she could do nothing but scream. I saw flare guns appear from nowhere, and begin burning her from a distance, focused on spots all around her body, burning her slowly.

“Anees, come back to planet earth, you inadequate waste of skin and bone.” I heard her shrill voice screaming at me from across the class. All the other students were staring back at me. Her ugly face was blotched purple, the same way it was when she was being tortured in my day dream.

I nodded, and pretended to take down notes. Everyone got their attention back to the class. Never mind the embarrassment, this day dream was worth it.

As I wrote, a smile slowly curled across my face. The demon laughed and made merry.

The demon inside of me.